In recent times, the essence of relationships and intimacy has been lost with many couples. Also many hide under the blanket of spirituality/religion by shying away from it. Amaka Chika-Mbonu, in her new book talks about “how to get your wife to swing from the chandelier in a red negligee from a biblical perspective as well as ways to enjoy this valentine. Enjoy the interview with EM’S DAMILOLA SHOTE:
EM- PLEASE CAN YOU INTRODUCE YOURSELF TO EM?
AMAKA- I am Amaka Chika-Mbonu, wife of 23 years, Mum to young adult children, 20 and 21, a born-again Christian, Writer, Author, Poet, Motivational Speaker, and a Certified SYMBIS Pre-marital Counselor. I have been teaching pre-marital classes for 15 years, and my mantra remains, "Marriage IS for a lifetime, not just a moment in time." I am passionate about exploring ways to make this a reality.
EM- HOW MANY BOOKS HAVE YOU AUTHORED?
AMAKA- I have authored one book, 'How To Get Your Wife To Swing From The Chandelier In A Red Negligée. Also, written a second book, which is currently at my publishers’, and will be available, God-willing May 2018.
EM- WHAT INSPIRED THIS BOOK?
AMAKA- The book is inspired by the fact that in this day and age it is obvious to all that marriages are in trouble. I wrote the book 'How to Get Your Wife to Swing from the Chandelier in a Red Negligée' to get us all, men and women, to take a re-look at this institution called marriage, in the way the sexes can engage themselves with regards to it. This, is to get the conversation started about where we might have gone wrong, and how we can make it better.
EM- NOWAWADAYS, WE OFTEN HEAR OF DIVORCE CASES WHICH IS BECOMING MORE PREVALENT. WHY DO YOU THINK THIS IS?
AMAKA-I think that many people are going into marriages unprepared for the realities of it. Many of us think our marriages will work just because, "I'm a good person," "I come from a good family, and my potential partner does too," "I am a Christian," "I have good intentions," "He's the man of my dreams," "She looks hot in a bikini." While all these are legitimate to a degree, marriage is as much a decision of the head, as it is of the heart. Marriage requires a certain skill set that must be learnt and honed prior to going into it, and continued consistently and habitually after we get into it.
EM-HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH THE INTERESTING BOOK TITLE?
AMAKA- Everybody asks me this question, and the truth is, I honestly can't remember. I just know that it is a phrase I've used in like forever. I teach pre-marital courses in my church, and I'd always say to the male participants, if you know you want your wife to swing from the chandelier in a red negligée you better do this... or you better not do that... and we'd all laugh. "Swinging from the chandelier in a red negligée" is really just a strong metaphor for a woman being completely herself and letting it all hang out, literally and figuratively. The 'content' of the book simply gives a man the tools he needs to have the ability to get his woman to do this…swinging, and gives the woman the words to express to her man how to get her to swing.
EM-WHAT DOES VALENTINE MEAN TO YOU?
AMAKA-I am an incurable romantic, so for me, Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate the ideals of love and romance, it’s something I look forward to. Romantic cards, chocolates, flowers, the whole thing. That said, what happens on that day should really be the atmosphere of the relationship every day.
EM- FROM YOUR BOOK, KINDLY SHARE TIPS OF 3 WAYS A COUPLE CAN SPICE UP THIS SEASON AS WELL AS AFTERWARDS.
AMAKA- I go into this in detail in my game-changing book on relationships. My tips- Time, Talk, Touch.
EM- MANY PEOPLE DO NOT KNOW HOW TO STRIKE THE BALANCE BETWEEN SEX AND RELIGION WITH THEIR PARTNERS, MAKING SOME SEE IT AS SINFUL. CAN YOU HELP CORRECT THIS NOTION FROM TIPS SHARED IN YOUR BOOK?
AMAKA- Sex? Religion? Hmmm, I can only speak on this from the perspective of Christianity, as I said earlier I am a Christian. I explore the question of the balance between sex and religion and whether sex is sinful in my book by asking the question, "Are sex and spirituality diametrically opposed?" Let's look at some verses from the No. 1 bestseller of all time, that I like to call, 'The Books' in order to answer this. When you study you will find that, God knows all about sex, he created it, Genesis 2:24, Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave onto his wife: and they shall be one flesh; God knows that it is a very strong, passionate urge and desire that must be sated, 1 Corinthians 7:5, Do not deprive each other of sexual relations...
God knows what happens in sex, Proverbs 5:19, Let her breasts satisfy you always; Song of Solomon 1:2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth; 1 Corinthians 6:16 for he says, the two shall be one flesh; Hebrews 13:4, Marriage is honourable in all and the bed undefined. No! SEX is not sinful in marriage. God sanctions, gives His unequivocal permission for sex within the confines and sanctity of marriage.
EM- WOULD YOU AGREE TO THE SAYING THAT MEN WHO ARE STERN ARE MORE EMOTIONAL AND SOFTER ON THE INSIDE?
AMAKA- Individuals are individuals and so I guess there's no real telling. Most men are ego-driven, and so yes, they might project something different on the outside, from what they are really feeling on the inside.
EM- HOW DO YOU UNWIND?
AMAKA- I listen to music, read, watch movies.
EM- WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO NEWLY WEDS ON SEXUAL ADVENTURES?
EM- FROM YOUR WEALTH OF EXPERIENCE AS A MARRIED WOMAN AND COUNSELLOR, KINDLY SHARE TIPS OF HOW TO BOOST SELF CONFIDENCE IN WOMEN ESPECIALLY IN THE CHILD BEARING STAGE.
AMAKA- Everyone struggles with self confidence, I know I do. A lot of women just put up a good front. I would say for me first and foremost, that I am who God says I am, royalty the child of the most high, special, extraordinary, and valuable, maybe I'm getting too 'spiri' here. Surround yourself with people who cheer you on and don't pull you down. Confidence in the child-bearing stage? Expect the changes to your body, so they don't take you by surprise, but, give yourself the best possible chance of bouncing back by eating healthily throughout your pregnancy. Think of the new life you have carried and brought into the world, well done you. Act till it becomes a fact.
EM- IN THE SPIRIT OF VALENTINE, WHAT 5 WAYS WOULD YOU ADVICE LOVE-BIRDS TO SHOW LOVE THIS SEASON?
* Renew your vows to each other, by yourselves, for yourselves;
* Actually WRITE DOWN three qualities you really like about the other on a sheet of paper; put it in an envelope and exchange them;
* Keep it as a keepsake you can look at when you feel less loving;
* Don't take Valentine’s Day for granted, do something different. create the atmosphere you would like to be the norm in your relationship. If you are not already doing it, going forward;
* Be intentional about making time to spend with each other.