You can spend hours with people, talking, laughing, moving from one conversation to the next, and still leave with the sense that something didn’t quite connect. You are present, included, even visible in those moments, yet afterwards, you feel lack of real understanding, especially in the parts of your life that it matters the most.
Sisterhood often begins with a shared sense of identity, empathy, and emotional support, the kind of bond that makes people feel held, understood, and less alone in their experiences. They form the emotional ground that many relationships are built on. At the same time, they do not always extend far enough on their own to carry people into new spaces or support the kind of growth that comes with changing environments and bigger demands. In reality, relationships among women are becoming more layered, shaped by ambition, environment, and the need to navigate increasingly competitive spaces. The connections that make a difference are not simply the ones that feel good, but the ones that hold weight, where there is both emotional depth and a sense of direction.
A relationship like this doesn’t often begin with intensity. There is no instant closeness or dramatic sense of loyalty. There is, however, a certain comfort, a sense that this person is engaging with you differently. She listens beyond what is said. She understands what you are trying to build, even when it’s still unclear. In her presence, you begin to see yourself differently, not because she is pressuring you, but because she reflects back to you the person you want to be.
That reflection can be uncomfortable. Growth rarely feels flattering at the start, and a relationship that carries you forward will not always feel easy. There are moments when her honesty unsettles you, when her questions make you realise how uncertain you are, or when her progress forces you to look at your own hesitation. It becomes tempting to retreat into relationships that ask less of you, where you can remain as you are without being asked to be more. Yet the relationships that last are often the ones where the discomfort does not push you apart, but instead brings a deeper understanding of each other.
There is also vulnerability in being truly supported. It is easier, in many ways, to offer encouragement than to receive it, particularly when you are still figuring out who you are becoming. When someone else takes your ambitions seriously, and speaks about your work with a certainty you have not yet found for yourself, it can feel both affirming and exposing. You are no longer allowed the comfort of minimising your potential.
However, proximity alone does not equal progress. Being surrounded by women with similar ambitions or experiences does not automatically translate into opportunity, visibility, or advancement. What matters is the quality of those relationships, the clarity of shared goals, and the willingness to contribute meaningfully to one another’s growth. This requires a change from passive association towards a more engaged form of connection where each party brings something tangible to the table, whether that is knowledge, access, skill, or perspective.
There is also an element of judgement that can’t really be ignored. Not every connection is meant to become something that pushes you forward, and trying to force it often leaves things feeling stuck or quietly uncomfortable. What matters more is noticing early on when there is real alignment, when your values, ambitions, and the way you approach life actually meet in a way that can support both people. This is not about shutting people out or making things exclusive, but about being honest with yourself about compatibility beyond surface-level similarities.
However, the concept loses its integrity when it becomes purely opportunistic. Relationships built solely on extraction tend to collapse under pressure, leaving behind distrust and reputational damage. Strategic sisterhood requires a level of integrity that ensures ambition does not override respect or authenticity. It calls for an understanding that meaningful progress is rarely achieved in isolation, but also that the manner in which one advances matters as much as the advancement itself.
There is always a risk of reducing relationships to usefulness, of approaching people only in terms of what they can offer. When that happens, it is no longer a real connection between two people. Relationships built on only taking rarely last when things get difficult. They often end up leaving distance, mistrust, and the feeling that one person walked away with more than what was shared between them. What allows a relationship to grow while still moving both people forward is finding a balance between being aware of what you want and being sincere, so that ambition doesn’t hurt something real.
There’s a difference between knowing people and building meaningful relationships. The women who move forward are the ones who understand how to build connections that aren’t surface level, ones that grow into something more involved, where there is trust, access, and a sense of responsibility to one another. These are the relationships that mean you are thought of when opportunities come up, that place you in the right spaces for growth; and that show up with real support when things actually matter.
In the end, relationships that move you forward are defined by what happens within them. They shape how you see yourself, how you make decisions, and how you show up in the world. Growth isn’t always something you achieve alone. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to let yourself be influenced by the right people, allow yourself to be challenged, and stay open to becoming someone you might not have on your own.
Tag the woman who challenges you, supports you, and helps you grow in ways you couldn’t imagine. Your collaborator, your soul sister, your woman…
Written by Aliyah Olowolayemo
