Women often make the mistake of going into marriage with a man, following the myth that he will change some of the habits he exhibits that bother her. This notion of “he will change” has been passed down over the years, causing women of different ages and cultures to make the same mistake.
For some reason, the idea that a woman can get her man to change was born and taught to every new generation of women. You hear things like “Once you guys get married, he will change” or “He’s just acting like that becase he hasn’t met the right woman” thereby putting the onus on the woman to elicit the change from the man.
Sometimes you meet a man who displays certain attributes you dislike but he keeps telling you he’s trying to change for you. For example, you’re in a relationship with a man who always makes promises but seldom delivers, and he lacks the courtesy to inform you that he won’t be able to make good on his promise. And no matter how much you complain, he refuses to do the right thing or he claims he forgets. But you still want to stick with him because he and society have conviced you that you can change him.
Other examples are:
- Men who beat their women and then apologise but do not change
- Men who do drugs.
- Men who can’t clean up after themselves and expect their woman to do everything.
- Men who lack empathy.
- Men who talk about starting a business or getting a job but never make any effort and end up taking from their woman.
- Men who have a wandering eye.
- Men who see women as beneath them and as such treat them as lesser human beings.
These are just a few of the thousands of characters traits that some men posses and their women hope to change. There’s a famous quote about marriage by Albert Einstein which we can relate to romantic relationships. Einstein said “Women marry men hoping they will change, men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. ”
We as women don’t have the power to change anyone! A person can only change when they make a personal decision to because it takes hard work and commitment. No one has the power to change anybody except said person is willing to.
A man who is willing to change his bad personality traits, has to take certain steps such as:
- Identify and accept that he has such a trait and admits to wanting change.
- He has to be aware of any reserve or skepticism he has about changing the trait and develop a plan to manage it.
- He has to be willing to ask/seek out help in the process of change.
- He looks for every opportunity to be different and uses each one to practice.
A person willing to change has to own up to the problem or character trait they want to change. They have to be willing to put in the work over an extended period. He/she has to imagine themselves being different and be able to continue trying, despite failures and setbacks.
So ladies, if your man is talking about changing and is putting in the effort to do so, then you’ll have hope that chage is in effect. But if you are with a man who constantly talks about change but does nothing about it, or a man who doesn’t even wants to hear the word “Change”. Please remove every thought and notion of “He will change” from your mind because he “WON’T” and if his habits or character traits are a deal breaker for you, then it’s best you reevaluate your options.
They say “the only constant thing in life is change”, but change only happens when the individual or individuals involved want it and work at it. Women, stop buying into the fantasy of “He will change” and wake up to the reality of what is, and what isn’t!