We live in an age where the subject of relationships has taken many forms. Who is an ideal partner? how do you know if he/she loves you? Why should anyone get married? These and many more are the questions being asked. We had a quick Q and A session with MercyB Author of Fall in Love with His Vision not his Wallet and relationship blogger.
EM: HOW EARLY DID YOU START ENGAGING IN RELATIONSHIPS?
MercyB: I did not have any serious relationship until l was around 19 years old.
EM: AT WHAT POINT DID YOU REALISE YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE IN YOUR PARTNER?
MercyB: When l started dating my husband . The way we met, and the way our hearts were connected. We have so much in common; and we are like best friends after 30 years of marriage . He respects me, and still makes me feel like his queen .
EM: DID YOU HAVE ANY ‘DEAL BREAKERS’ IN A RELATIONSHIP?
Mercy B: Oh yes , with my first serious relationship when I was 19 years old . His father arranged a wife for him and that really broke my heart, and made me hate men for a long time, because l was afraid of getting hurt again . It was very painful at the time because l thought he was the best man for me but looking back now l am glad l did not marry him . God always knows best.
EM: IN RECENT TIMES, WE ARE TAUGHT OR ADVISED TO LOOK BEYOND THE PRESENT PHASE OF A MAN’S LIFE TO ACHIEVING SUCCESS. HOW CAN ONE DISCERN WHEN THE VISIONS ARE REAL FROM BEING A MIRAGE?
MercyB: Vision always speaks for itself. If a man has a vision, and he is passionate about it, he will talk and work tirelessly towards it. My saying is don’t tell me your vision , show me. When l met my husband , l fell in love with his vision; because l could see that he was passionate about it; and l could see that he had a road map, and that he is not just a talkshop – like most men these days . Yes, it’s good to look beyond a man’s present situation but that’s not an excuse for a man to be lazy; and expect your woman to feed you and take care of you . A man has to do any job that his hands can find before his vision becomes a reality . My husband did all kinds of odd jobs before he could achieve his dream. Nothing just happens, there is always a sacrifice to get the life that we dream of.
EM: WHAT ARE THE SIGNS TO LOOK OUT FOR, TO BE CONVINCED ABOUT YOUR PARTNER’S LOVE FOR YOU?
MercyB: The true definition of love is found in 1st Corinthians 13 vs 4-8 . What is biblical meaning of love? Love is patient, Love is kind, Love is not rude, It does not envy and does not boast or proud, It does not dishonour others and it is not selfish, It is not easily angered and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not remember wrongs done against it, Love never gives up on people, it never stops trusting , never loses hope and never quits. Love never fails. So the question is “ Do you believe your spouse loves you based on the biblical meaning of love? Let’s not be confused by what the movies tells us about love, while it’s loosely based on real life , it’s a film, not reality – please get that!
EM: IN A NUTSHELL, KINDLY SHARE A FEW POINTS FROM THE PRINCIPLES DISCOVERED AND TAUGHT BY YOU FROM THE BOOK.
Mercy B: If your partner is selfish and careless , you are going to have a hard time fulfilling your purpose in life . You will spend your life mopping his mess, and looking out for him; and you will sadly forget about your own dreams . Whomever you choose to spend your life with has a lot to do with your purpose on Earth . Many women settle for less because of the man they are married to and it can also be the other way too. Whomever you choose to say “yes “ to on the altar can alter your life for the better or worse . If you are married always remember the Holy Spirit is the third person in your marriage , not your parents, family or your friends. Communication is a vital key in any relationships. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side as it seems , so please do not let divorce be your first option because God hates divorce. You were once in love and you must remember those times and seek help together . Pray together and be open with each other. Every marriage goes through a tough seasons, but it’s these seasons that make your relationship stronger. Learn not to make permanent decisions based on temporary situations.
EM: DO YOU AGREE WITH THE SCHOOL OF THOUGHT THAT ‘MARRIAGE IS NOT AN ACHIEVEMENT
MercyB: Yes l agree . Marriage does not give you fulfillment. Your fulfillment comes from God .
EM: MODERN DAY RELATIONSHIPS CANT BE COMPARED TO THE DAYS OF OLD; HOW CAN ONE ‘NOT’ YIELD TO TEMPTATIONS IN THE SOCIAL MEDIA AGE?
MercyB: Always pray for your relationship because the devil hates marriages to succeed. It’s very difficult not to be tempted with all the stuff on the social media network . You cannot afford to choose your partner just because you want to impress people or you think you are running out of time . The wedding is for a day but marriage is for a lifetime You have to focus on what works for you . Many times people put what is not real online . You can not compare your relationship with someone else’s. Create your own style . No marriage is a match made in heaven . You have to work on it. Some of us enter into a marriage with this mindset of fairy tales and romantic movies . Marriage is real life. Two people from different backgrounds are now living together as one. Marriage is beautiful if we follow God’s way, and purpose for our marriage; and not what the world tells us. Never underestimate the power of prayer
Love is beautiful because God is love.
